Learning your OWN limits : 5 tips just for YOU
Learning your OWN limits as a South Asian Woman: 5 Essential Tips
As a South Asian woman, you might find yourself juggling multiple roles, daughter, wife, mother, professional all whilst striving to meet the expectations placed on you by family and society. The concept of setting boundaries may feel uncomfortable, and at times, even selfish.
However, boundaries are a necessary part of self-care and can help you show up as your best self for those you love. But before you set boundaries, it’s important to first understand your OWN limits. Limits define how much you can give emotionally, mentally, and physically before you reach the point of overwhelm or burnout I am going to share 5 tips with you that can help you to learn and recognize your OWN limits before you start setting boundaries.
1. Listen to Your Body - Our bodies often tend to react to certain triggers before our brain catches up to what is happening. Pay attention to physical symptoms like fatigue, headaches, tension, or a racing heart. These are signs that you might be overextended. When you notice these signals, take time to rest or reflect on what might be causing you to feel this way. For many South Asian women, there’s a tendency to push through discomfort and continue fulfilling obligations. However, ignoring your body’s signals can lead to physical health issues as well as mental health issues. Honoring your physical limits is a form of self-compassion and an essential part of boundary-setting. I would be lying if I told you that I don’t have the tendency to “push through”, I know that we can do it but that doesn’t mean that we must.
2. Identify Emotional Triggers- Certain situations or people may consistently drain your emotional energy. These could include social expectations, family obligations, or difficult conversations. Start noticing how you feel in different scenarios—do you feel anxious, frustrated, or resentful? These emotions often indicate that your emotional limits are being tested. By identifying what triggers these feelings, you can better understand your emotional capacity and prepare to set boundaries in those specific areas. For example, saying “yes” to every social event of the year, or saying “yes” to coming in early or staying late. By doing so, you’re also giving you’re the brain the message that I deserve a “break” without feeling guilty and it is normal for me to say “no”.
3. Reflect on Your Values - Understanding your personal values can help clarify your limits. When you are clear about what’s most important to you—whether it’s self-care, career growth, or time with loved ones—you’ll naturally begin to see what doesn’t align with those values. I believe that we’re raised believing that we must follow all of the cultural values, and to put it nicely that just simply isn’t true or realistic. For South Asian women, cultural values such as respect for elders or prioritizing family can sometimes conflict with personal values. By reflecting on your values, you can set boundaries that protect what matters most to you without feeling guilty. There comes that word again…. “GUILT”. An emotion I believe that we are MADE to feel.
4. Practice Saying ‘No’ Without Guilt- One of the most challenging aspects of learning your limits is saying “no,” especially in a culture that emphasizes taking care of others. Often south Asian women/girls that live at home have many responsibilities such as caring for elders, caring for younger children, cooking, cleaning up, making sure that things are in order. When you have so much responsibility that it almost feels “too” much, we don’t recognize that we in fact ALLOWED to say “no” for our own mental well-being. However, it’s important to remember that saying no is not a rejection of others—it’s an affirmation of your own well-being. Start small by practicing saying “no”, such as staying late for work, always showing up for family and friends. Over time, you’ll become more comfortable asserting your limits in bigger situations, and you’ll be able to do so without carrying guilt. You will start believing that you can have a life outside of cultural “norms”.
5. Give Yourself a Break - Rest or taking a break often seen as a luxury rather than a necessity, especially in cultures that value hard work and endurance (trust me, I am guilty of not taking breaks). However, taking a break is important for maintaining emotional and mental balance. If you don’t give yourself permission to rest, you may end up pushing past your limits, leading to burnout. Whether it’s taking a short break during the day, prioritizing sleep, or carving out alone time for self-care, rest allows you to recharge and regain perspective. By taking a break you will start to understand that YOU are also a priority and feel more confident about setting boundaries when necessary.
In short, learning your OWN limits is the first step in being assertive in setting your boundaries. If you can learn to be more mindful about how your body responds to certain triggers this will help you gain the confidence and self-awareness that you need.
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